


On the prowl

by m_findlow



Category: Torchwood
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25143886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_findlow/pseuds/m_findlow
Summary: Tosh is very much not herself today.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: fic_promptly Fills 2016





	On the prowl

Ianto didn't look up when Tosh came up behind him to hand him the report. The first sign that anything was wrong was when he caught sight of the hand. Her fingernails were painted in the most lurid shade of orange he'd ever seen. Tosh never painted her nails, or if she did, it was clear, or perhaps the palest shade of pink she could find. Tangerine was definitely not part of the same colour palette.

He turned to ask her about it and nearly fell off his chair when he saw the rest of her. Her hair was done up in a pigtail, and her neck adorned with several long strands of beads. The tank top was white, tightly fitted, and very low cut, showing off more cleavage than was considered respectable at the top, and giving away hints of the slim midriff at the opposite end, covered in a tiny denim jacket that ended just below her elbows.

The skirt was leather, black, and very, very short. Whilst she had very lovely and shapely legs, there was far too much of them on display, only modestly spared by the fishnet stockings that flowed all the way down into the very kinky black leather ankle boots, which put at least another five inches on her petite frame.

'You, uh, look different today,' he said awkwardly, unable to steal his gaze away from the ridiculously sloped cleavage as she tugged on one of the strands of beads.

'I thought I'd try something new,' she said, giving a little twirl that was less coy and more flirtatious. 'What do you think?'

What did he think? He thought he should put his jacket on her. 'You look very nice,' is what he said instead, noticing the smile he received in return for his comments, the neon pink lipstick clashing outrageously with the orange nails.

'Thanks!' she said, before tottering off on her high heels back to her desk.

He watched her the whole way, noting the sexy sway in her hips as she moved. It wasn't until she was sat back down that his brain kicked back into gear and realised that they worked for Torchwood, and that any major change in someone's personality, including their wardrobe, should be treated with a modicum of suspicion. He got up and walked over to her. 'Okay, who are you and what have you done with the real Tosh?'

She smiled innocently at him. 'Ianto, it's me. I just felt like a change. Goodbye to sad, boring Tosh who can't get a date, and hello interesting Tosh who's fun to hang out with.'

'There was nothing wrong with the old you. You were fun to hang out with.'

'Oh yeah?' she said standing up, nearly able to meet him at eye level in her boots. 'But what about now? Do you like me better now?' she said, stepping closer to him until their faces were almost touching. He took a step backwards, but she followed him, until he was backed up against his own desk, unable to go any further. Then she planted a kiss on his lips.

He'd never been kissed by Tosh before, but Jack could have taken a few pointers, judging by the way things were going. He couldn't get away from her until she finally decided to let him go.

'Tosh! What's gotten in to you?'

'You didn't enjoy that?'

'That's, that's not the point,' he sputtered, confused. 'I'm with Jack!'

She smiled and giggled. 'Oh, big deal. You're not spoken for until you're married!'

She went to wrap her arms around his neck, going in for round two, but he grabbed her before she had a chance, holding her firmly.

'I think we need to see Jack.'

'Ooh! Threesomes!' she squealed.

'Woah,' was the only word Jack could manage when he saw the devine creature that Ianto had dragged into his office.

'It's either an alien, or she's under the influence of one,' Ianto declared.

Jack's eyes were transfixed on Tosh, and she made googly eyes back at him.

'Jack!' Ianto yelled, disrupting his dreamy train of thought, and glaring at him in annoyance. Jack looked semi contrite.

'I'll call Owen.'

Twenty minutes later, Owen had rolled into the hub, looking reasonably hungover. Tosh was sitting on his autopsy table, legs crossed so that the view up her very tiny skirt was distracting, and rolling her foot up and down, as she waited there impatiently, while he ran a raft of basic tests. He left her there whilst he waited for the results, conferring with the others upstairs.

Owen just ogled at the sight from the top of the railings, until Ianto clapped him around the back of the head.

'I can't explain it,' he said, rubbing the spot on the back of his head that was now smarting. 'We went out for drinks last night and she was completely normal. Maybe she hooked up with some bloke who gave her a good shagging,' he said, as if that was meant to sufficiently explain everything.

'Not you?' Jack asked.

'Please,' he rolled his eyes. 'Not my type. Well, not until today, that is.'

'You didn't take her home last night?' Ianto asked, making it sound half a question, half an accusation.

'Nah, she left well before me. I stayed on and got hammered.'

Jack looked at him, then worriedly back at Tosh. 'Where did you go?'

'Some new place. Never been there before. The Saxonian.'

Jack smirked knowingly. 'You do realise that place is an underground club for our long term residents, don't you?'

Owen looked confused. 'What do you mean?'

'Aliens like to have fun too, you know. And most clubs in Cardiff don't offer quite the same variety they're accustomed to.'

Owen fixed him with an angry glare. 'Are you telling me I could have gotten blind, and ended up taking home some bird that turned out to have two heads and six tentacles?'

'No,' Jack reassured him. 'Varsigans only go for women. Have Tosh's blood samples come back yet?'

'Should be about ready.'

'Good. I'd like to take a look. I think I might know what's happened.'

When Jack peered through the microscope, he confirmed his own suspicions. 'Yep, she's got analtraximine in her system.'

'What's that?' Ianto asked, concerned.

'Call it a party drug if you will. Makes you kinda, well, I think you can see the effects for yourself. Someone must have slipped some into her drink.'

'Is it dangerous?' Owen asked, having never heard of it, peering into the microscope for his own look.

'Totally harmless. Ianto's had it plenty of times with no side affects.'

'I have?' he said, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms.

'You might not remember the exact details, but we had an amazing time. You were hot, and up for pretty much anything!'

Ianto was beginning to turn a similar shade to Tosh's nail polish. 'You drugged me! You drugged me so I'd be like that?' he said, pointing furiously at Tosh down in autopsy, who was readjusting her top so that more of her midriff was on display.

'I promise that the only person you had sex with was me.' He paused. 'Kissing might be a different story, though.'

Ianto was fuming and quickly compiling a list of vengeful undertakings, starting with no coffee and no sex.

'Can we find the bastard who did this to her?' Owen said, suddenly indignant that anyone but him should mess with Tosh.

'Relax,' Jack said, trying to diffuse the tempers of the two men staring daggers at him, 'it'll be fine. The effects will wear off in the next twenty-four hours. She probably just got a very decent sized dose to still be like this the morning after.'

'So, what do we do with her for now?' Ianto said, looking sadly down at her, as she gave him a playful little wave back. 'I don't know about you, but I don't think I can take another one of those kisses.'

Both Jack and Owen looked at him, incredulous, eyebrows raised in surprise.

'Probably shouldn't have mentioned that,' he conceded, flushing pink.

'We'll take her home, give her a light sedative and let her sleep it off. Come tomorrow morning, she'll be good as new.'

Owen and Ianto drove Tosh home, under the explanation that she'd been exposed to some alien radiation at the club and that she should go home and rest until the medication Owen gave her soaked up the residual radiation from her system.

Ianto handed her a moist towelette, so that she could wipe off the pink lipstick and bright violet eyeshadows. 'Don't want to get that all over your pillow, do you?' he said, when she looked at him strangely.

Once she was tucked into bed, and asleep, he also removed the orange nail varnish, deciding that it would be best if there were no reminders of today's events, and hopefully none of the night previous either.

When he got back to the hub, he'd be reviewing the CCTV for the last umpteen months to find out what had happened on his own drug induced misadventures, and concoct a punishment befitting of the crime.


End file.
